What Does Saying I do Really Mean?
There are hundreds of marriage books out there that try to give advice on how to improve a relationship or find the perfect person. Unfortunately, some of these books have a sticker on the front that says, “Over 1 million copies sold.”
The book you need would be written just for you guys. Experience and talking to thousands of couples have led to a realistic understanding of what saying and living “I do” really means.
Some of the things that saying “I do” means are…
Some days it doesn’t matter what you do. Relational success is always consistent and loving efforts.
Some things will never change. Drop the project mentality and quit trying to manipulate and control the other person.
I may never be able to do enough. Remember, you are not responsible for the other person’s happiness.
I may not be able to do it perfectly. You may have heard the story of Adam and Eve. He never had to hear who she could have married, and she never had to hear how good of a cook his mother was.
I may have to “get over it.” Moving forward is almost always positive, and refusing to stay stuck is even better.
Some days it will appear that my spouse doesn’t care. Your responsibility is to unidirectionally care, be trustworthy, and be understanding of needs and neediness.
Some days you will feel like you deserve more. Work through your selfishness and give with compassion.
It will not always be fun, but work toward making it more enjoyable.
A great marriage will include… How would you answer that? Take some time to contemplate your answer and be willing to talk about it.
Les and Leslie Parrott say in their book, When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages:
Take responsibility for the good as well as the bad. Show concern and be aware of the predictability of both extremes.
Believe that good wins over bad. Working toward a positive resolve immediately offers security.
Walk in each other’s shoes. Be vulnerable to know the other person and be known by revealing some of your inner thoughts, too.
Heal the hurts they don’t deserve. Listen to their story even if it’s being repeated. Time doesn’t heal, but it offers the chance for it to occur.
Live the love you promise. Have fun and be accountable to the relational commitment.
Think about this phrase and talk about it tonight or tomorrow—but do it sooner than later.
“It will feel loving to me when you…”
Take a chance to hear the person you love talk about their answer and be willing to give a response, too.
