Where is the Intimacy?

What do you think about when the question, “Where has the intimacy gone in our relationship?” Sexless relationships? Embarrassment? Shame? Cheating? Etc?

Some of the most likely causes include that it’s a symptom of something. Maybe it's fear and criticism. Maybe it is a biological issue. Know there can be a relationship between the level of intimacy and lurking in on-line network services.

It is necessary to refresh your mind and heart. There is a need for defining or redefining intimacy because marriages and affairs end for the same reason - lack of intimacy. Unfortunately, most research is with younger couples and the older we get causes us to dismiss the root causes and discount them for aging problems. So, what is intimacy? It’s being open and honest in talking with a partner about thoughts and feelings; not usually experienced in ordinary relationships; revealed in innermost thoughts; relatively intense forms of non-verbal displays of communication; battle over agreement of definition equals an “unobtainable” result.

So let’s go backand consider different explanations we’ve read in some of those marriage books.

• Be empathetic and self-disclose

• Absence of major conflict, confrontive management style, sense of fairness, expression of physical affect

• Communication, closeness, and attachment

• Proximity, closeness, mutuality, interdependence

• Need fulfillment, individual well-being, relational satisfaction

• How do you measure up?

Try these ideas of meaningful relationship skills

Personal disclosure. Try to recapture the idea of telling the truth, allowing the other person to see inside your heart and mind, and be willing to be known in addition to knowing the person you love.

Face to face discussions of differences. Be nonjudgemental and listen without defending or becoming argumentative.

Consider your sexual involvement. Be willing to hold hands, sit next to each other, touch one another, and reminisce on sexual experiences.

Openness and reduce stress. Tell each other what you think about the little things and the big ideas, too.

Increase respect. There was a point early on in your relationship where you liked the other person, thought they had good ideas, and you were proud that they were yours.

Remember confiding in the relationship increases the strengths of healthy esteem and mutual affection. Take moments to look inside each other’s eyes and personhood. There you will find intimacy!