Parenting Your Parents
Are you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with taking care of your aging parents? Find encouragement. What’s right for you? It’s somewhere between “not enough” and “too much.”
Recent studies indicate that 75% of all adult siblings 50 years and above are caring to some degree for their aging parents. Becoming a caregiver tends to lengthen your lifespan. Even though looking after your parents might actually help you live longer, there are still a few important things you should keep in mind.
Understand the emotions of raising aging parents. There will be times of sadness, anger, resentment, frustration, and satisfaction. Every emotion that comes to your spirit is realistic, and needs to be accepted. Remaining mindful of your emotions will make it easier to handle the ups and downs of everyday life.
Accept your parents are living in “rewind.” As your parents age and their mental condition changes, forgetfulness and a wavering cognitive ability will occur. As they get older, they will tend to remember things from the past more so than the future and present, and they will tend to recall events from earlier days with more ease than the present. It may appear that they are regressing but they have an easier time remembering their past than dealing with the present.
Love them just like they did when you weren’t so easy or pleasant as a child or adolescent. There was probably a day that you were obnoxious and difficult to deal with, so remember they’ve done this with you at least on one occasion and now it’s your turn to accept their unpleasantness and difficult behaviors.
Take care of yourself. It is easy to become exhausted with the amount of time it takes to meet their emotional, physical, and financial needs. It’s imperative that you find ways to take care of yourself like maintaining a hobby, doing some things that make sure your body stays in good physical shape, and do some things that give you a chance to release your frustrations in places other than in your parents’ presence.
Find a support group or start one yourself. Look for an emotional support group in your area for people who are raising their aging parents. Finding commonalities and a place to vent frustrations will make it easier to address the difficulty of taking care of the needs of an aging parent.
Live and give within your means. Be real careful to not overspend and put yourself in a financial bind for the present and for the distant future. It’ll be easy to forget the pain that you will cause in the future by trying to provide for your parents above the necessary comforts that they need to live. The legacy of your parents is found in the moment and not for the debt that you will acquire giving to them beyond your current abilities financially.
Forgive them and be patient and understanding. Forgiveness is a gift that we needed as small children and in our current adult years. Your parents need that too. Avoid becoming hostile and resentful toward the energy and other means that you expend in the moment of trying to take care of them. A simple “I forgive you” or “sorry I misunderstood you” will help in keeping the relationship meaningful.
Realize everybody has an issue with his or her parents. Most adults at some point have to deal with an aging parent and you are in good company. Everywhere you go, you will encounter someone who is experiencing similar frustrations and difficulties. Although everybody’s issue does not have to be the same or handle it the same way, everybody is facing some difficulty as their parents age.
Look at some memorabilia. One of the good ways to enjoy the last days and years of your parents’ life is to look at memorabilia from your childhood, their childhood, or life experiences that bring joy and laughter. Reflecting on past experiences that artifacts, pictures and memorabilia bring, may be the healthiest way to deal with these latter days of your parents’ life. Do so while they can express emotions and understand the stories of their past.
Keep a journal. Writing your feelings down and expressing your thoughts on paper are healthy ways to address your status in your mental health condition. Being able to read later what you were experiencing with a particular time and date will be meaningful as you contemplate the experiences of raising a parent. Do so while you have a chance to relate these experiences. It will help you remember, reflect, and cope.
