Bumping into conflict
The other day, I was looking through some pictures of my kids on a summer vacation at the beach and noticed how much fun everybody was having when we were riding bumper cars. It’s so interesting to me how people find pleasure in bumping into each other and catching other people off guard. There is a curiosity of what is entertaining about causing conflict, seeking to inflict pain, and laughing about intentional skirmishes. It does indicate the point that we become very accustomed to constant conflict. It’s all around us in our world and we even find pleasure in continuing in such a fun way through something as benign as running into others with bumper cars.
What are the conflicts in your world? Whenever you put a group of people together, some kind of conflict inevitably will develop. A sign of maturity of people, families, churches, marriage, or a business is the willingness and the ability to solve conflict. Here are some basic rules to follow when addressing conflictual interactions:
Be polite
Realize that you don’t know everything
Avoid polarized thinking (Say, “There is a possibility that what the other person just said may be true.”)
There is no perfect way to manage conflict
When trying to solve problems, consider several things. Ask yourself the question “What’s your deal?” and try to discover what the true problem is and when addressing the problem, try to stick to the issue at hand and not chase every possible other idea. Also avoid a you versus me mentality. When you become adversarial, you begin the rematch. Instead of addressing the you versus me approach, try to look at the problem and address it in a matter of fact stance. Appreciate other people’s opinions and try not to always win but stick to the issue at hand.
Don’t worry about the other person. Ask yourself, “What did I do?” and consider what might have created the conflict. Do everything you can to push aside judgments.
One of the most important things that you should do in relationships is refuse to argue. When you decide to argue, you keep the conflict stirred up and insure its going. It’s also important to learn how to forgive. Most people have difficulty with this form of interaction because they want to bury the hatchet and then remember where they hid it. A lack of forgiveness perpetuates ongoing conflict. In a lot of situations, it’s important just to be glad you’re not like the other person and don’t lower yourself to arguing and fighting. These types of interactions are intellectual conversations that go nowhere. Decide to not stay in conflict.
