What Did You Say?
If you’re in a significant relationship with someone that you are married to, in love with, trying to decide if you can be without or if you’re in a conversation that causes your passion or your expertise to feel challenged, or if you find your struggle to be right all the time or your intelligence is questioned, pause long enough to think about what really matters and whether or not you’re really willing to fight to the bitter end.
Realize you don’t know everything and listen
We’ve been programmed to always be right. Perfectionism (never being wrong) gives a false sense of security and offers us a temporary pass on being criticized. Say to yourself, “There’s a possibility that what the other person just said may be true.” This allows us to avoid going to either extreme of “I’m always right and they’re completely wrong” or “there must be something wrong with me because they seem to have all the answers.”
Be simple and easy to understand
None of us wants to be considered simple-minded, but sometimes simple is the best approach. Simplicity allows for more opportunity to be clear, known and heard.
State what you want
Often, we spend much of our energy being vague and dancing around the issue because we’re afraid of rejection or disappointment. Using the phrases “I need” or “I want” allows us to be heard more readily and the other person can respond in a way that makes sense to us or is clear about their expectations.
Refuse to argue
Somewhere in our past, we learned that being louder, more intense, and hardheaded would result in winning more often. Usually, we find ourselves in arguments and intellectual conversations that go nowhere. Stating what we need and being matter of fact, is much more effective in conversation than trying to convince the other person that our point of view is the most correct.
Drop all sarcasm, ugly comments, odd facial expressions, and judgments
These forms of communication typically are ways to distance ourselves from the other person and from hearing or considering their point of view. Negativity provides self-protection and almost always will keep us from having to be vulnerable with other people.
Ask, “Will this get me what I want?”
Let’s face it, we live in a fairly capitalistic and me-oriented culture. Often we would benefit from considering whether or not the way that we go about communicating with other people, may be ineffective and helping us acquire a close relationship, a more helpful interaction, or a productive and meaningful partnership requires us to think ahead.
Know, “Will this improve the relationship?”
If the answer to that question is “no” or “not really,” then why should we continue to press for something that has negative consequences? Remember in everything we do, we should be pushing for meaningful exchange with others and a hopeful connection.
Try these things out at home, at work, at the grocery store, in traffic, and in conversation with friends or family members, and even with strangers. You will be surprised at an increased level of satisfaction, contentment, and peace of mind. Remember that everything you say and do you can and will be remembered forever.
